As a few of you know, and many who do not, I am leaving next Saturday to go to Paris for a week with the family. I've never been nor do I have any idea what are the "must see" attractions of this city (other than the Eiffel Tower of course). That is where you come in! If you have been, would you be so kind as to make a few suggestions of places to go and things to see?
That would be fantastic!
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Monday, June 25, 2007
New Love
When I turned 28 I said I had one goal. That goal was to find someone in which I could fall in love. I wanted to meet a girl who loves God more than anything and would eventually love me out of that love for Him. Turning 28 isn't some huge milestone but for some reason I made it out to be. I allowed myself to believe that being single at 28 somehow reflected who I was as a person and how I related with people. I wanted to search inside myself to figure out what the problem was so that I could grow and change into who I needed to be to have a successful relationship.
Not long after I set that goal I began to long to get back into the Old Testament. I started reading it from the beginning awhile ago and over time started getting back more into the gospels so that my attention was better held while reading. I had only a few more chapters of Numbers to go and looked ahead to see that Deuteronomy was another book of laws and commands so I wasn't super excited to start back. Something happened though. As I began to read Deuteronomy my eyes began to see way past a list of commands and rules. God's character and love began to shine through the stone tablets to the point where I found myself not being able to put the Bible down. I couldn't wait to read the next set of commands that he had for His people that He loved so incredibly much. Over and over again he would tell them that the reason he was giving them these laws was so that he could prosper them in the land that he was about to give them. He warned them over and over again that not following him would result in death and destruction but that if they would follow, he would give them everything.
God began to speak to me about my goal. Very gently and with words of affirmation God said, "no... I want you to fall in love with me." I would say, "but God, I do love you." Again I would hear, "I want you to fall in love with me." As a man, that is hard for me to hear. I've always loved God but have had a bit of a hard time seeing myself as a bride falling in love with a being that we so often think of as "Him" and "Father." It was almost as though I couldn't see through the masculinity of it all and that was keeping me from falling.
I'm falling for him though. I know this because I'm incredibly vulnerable to Him. I hang on his every word, I don't sleep but stay up late at night reading His Word. He's the first thing on my mind when I wake up and the last thing on my mind when I go to bed. My whole world seems upside down. Things that used to not matter to me now bring me to tears. I blush at the thought that he loves me and that I am capable of pleasing him. Never have I truly fallen in love with Him like I am now and it's scarier than I ever imagined. In this relationship I have something to lose and have even more to gain. I have to think about everything I do and how it would impact my relationship with Him. I have to put Him first in all things.
Through all of this God is showing me what it's going to be like to be a husband and to be honest I, at times, feel like I don't have what it takes. I fail God, and he always takes me back because He is perfect love. If I fail a wife, will she stick around? Back to the vulnerability thing I guess. I know that you can't truly be in love if you don't allow yourself to be vulnerable and I don't know that I've ever allowed myself to be in any relationship. God is teaching me what that means through this new found romance with Him. And here's the thing, for the first time ever I'm not using my relationship with God to get something that I want. It's not about that. I truly just want Him. If that means I'm always single, so be it. I love God and am so excited about our life together. I know there will be tears and pain but I also know that I will never have anything better than what he as to offer me. If you ask me, the only real definition of a soul mate is God. He's the only one that we have been created to be in love with. We are our best when we are truly devoted to him. A wife will never be able to offer me that and thank God I'm figuring that out before I ever married. What a horrible burden to put on the woman you love. Talk about setting impossible expectations.
So I've let you in on probably one of the most personal things I've ever felt. But you know what? It's all about being vulnerable to God. I'm safe inside my relationship with Him to be who He created me to be.
Not long after I set that goal I began to long to get back into the Old Testament. I started reading it from the beginning awhile ago and over time started getting back more into the gospels so that my attention was better held while reading. I had only a few more chapters of Numbers to go and looked ahead to see that Deuteronomy was another book of laws and commands so I wasn't super excited to start back. Something happened though. As I began to read Deuteronomy my eyes began to see way past a list of commands and rules. God's character and love began to shine through the stone tablets to the point where I found myself not being able to put the Bible down. I couldn't wait to read the next set of commands that he had for His people that He loved so incredibly much. Over and over again he would tell them that the reason he was giving them these laws was so that he could prosper them in the land that he was about to give them. He warned them over and over again that not following him would result in death and destruction but that if they would follow, he would give them everything.
God began to speak to me about my goal. Very gently and with words of affirmation God said, "no... I want you to fall in love with me." I would say, "but God, I do love you." Again I would hear, "I want you to fall in love with me." As a man, that is hard for me to hear. I've always loved God but have had a bit of a hard time seeing myself as a bride falling in love with a being that we so often think of as "Him" and "Father." It was almost as though I couldn't see through the masculinity of it all and that was keeping me from falling.
I'm falling for him though. I know this because I'm incredibly vulnerable to Him. I hang on his every word, I don't sleep but stay up late at night reading His Word. He's the first thing on my mind when I wake up and the last thing on my mind when I go to bed. My whole world seems upside down. Things that used to not matter to me now bring me to tears. I blush at the thought that he loves me and that I am capable of pleasing him. Never have I truly fallen in love with Him like I am now and it's scarier than I ever imagined. In this relationship I have something to lose and have even more to gain. I have to think about everything I do and how it would impact my relationship with Him. I have to put Him first in all things.
Through all of this God is showing me what it's going to be like to be a husband and to be honest I, at times, feel like I don't have what it takes. I fail God, and he always takes me back because He is perfect love. If I fail a wife, will she stick around? Back to the vulnerability thing I guess. I know that you can't truly be in love if you don't allow yourself to be vulnerable and I don't know that I've ever allowed myself to be in any relationship. God is teaching me what that means through this new found romance with Him. And here's the thing, for the first time ever I'm not using my relationship with God to get something that I want. It's not about that. I truly just want Him. If that means I'm always single, so be it. I love God and am so excited about our life together. I know there will be tears and pain but I also know that I will never have anything better than what he as to offer me. If you ask me, the only real definition of a soul mate is God. He's the only one that we have been created to be in love with. We are our best when we are truly devoted to him. A wife will never be able to offer me that and thank God I'm figuring that out before I ever married. What a horrible burden to put on the woman you love. Talk about setting impossible expectations.
So I've let you in on probably one of the most personal things I've ever felt. But you know what? It's all about being vulnerable to God. I'm safe inside my relationship with Him to be who He created me to be.
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Santa
How funny is seeing a "slap Santa's belly to make it more red than your opponents" banner on myspace... IN JUNE?
Sunday, June 03, 2007
28
I'm 28 now... I have one major goal this year. But I've had this goal for quite a few years now and have not quite met it.
Hopefully I can change that!
Hopefully I can change that!
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