Tested

For Lent, I decided to give up all beverages except water. I messed up immediately on my trip to Utah where the first morning of the trip I downed two glasses of orange juice with breakfast. The funny thing is, I didn't realize it until that night when I was offered some wine with dinner and I declined since I was fasting. It then immediately hit me that I had failed earlier that morning so I decided to start my fast after I finished my trip to Utah. I started exactly one week later, Wednesday February 16. I have not decided whether I'm going to extend my fast one week after Easter or if I'll end it when everyone else breaks their fast. I'll pray about it and see what God wants.

I'm rambling... the point of this post is to talk about my temptation last night. I went to Loca Luna's with Jeff knowing that it would be a struggle not to have anything to drink but water. I was sure, going into the evening, that I would be fine. Upon arriving and realizing that the main entertainment at that club was salsa dancing to the amazing live band, the struggle of not having any alcoholic beverages began to work inside of me. I'm not the type of guy that can just start dancing with girls or even talk to them. In the past having a beer or two has always eased the tension so I was thinking that maybe I would just forget the whole fast and have a couple of beers. I began to pray amidst all the music and laughing of the others in attendance that night and heard quite clearly to stay strong and keep on with the fast. So it was bottled water for me all night. For the remainder of the evening I was tempted to have a couple of beers (a side not... a couple of beers does not make me drunk or really even buzzed, but they usually help me not to be so shy around people I don't know) in order to enjoy myself a little more. It's bad that I felt I had to have beer in order to have a good time and I was reminded of why I really don't like going to bars and clubs. For the most part, they are full of people who are looking to meet someone of the opposite sex with intentions I'm sure we're all aware. It's not my scene, I don't sleep around, and I don't even date casually. I LOVE live music and the band was incredible. The answer to my dilemma would be to bring a big group of friends with me next time in order to have folks to dance and talk. Really, having a group of people I know is just as effective as having a couple of beers. As long as I have people around who know the real me, I couldn't care less about what others think of me.

In summary, with God's help, I stood up to the temptation of breaking my fast and really accomplished a lot more on the journey. I'm starting to see all that is involved with fasting, what a great learning experience.

Tonight I'm going to see a friend’s band play, but I'll be with a bunch of friends and my brother as well (who doesn't drink) so I'm thinking the temptation will be significantly less.

Will Anyone Know I'm Here?

After reading other's thoughts on what a blog should actually be, I think it would be best to have a place where my family or friends don't visit to post my thoughts. Who knows how long it will take before they find me, but in the meantime I think I'll be a bit more honest here.

I have been posting on Xanga for awhile and although I had some great posts, I wasn't exactly posting 100 percent of what I was actually feeling for fear that I'll have to explain myself when I don't feel like it or that I'm being judged. I'll still probably post there because it's a place where I can update a group of people about my life in one place.

I don't have much to say right now except that I'm tired from lack of sleep and not feeling motivated to do anything at all. I basically want to sit at home and watch movies for hours on end. I go through phases like this every now and then and I don't necessarily like them. I'm going to see if I can actually get some work done now.