New Boots and New Perspective

I just returned from my first trip to the Pacific Northwest to visit my best friend. Katie moved to Portland, OR this past November after reading the book by Donald Miller, Through Painted Deserts. Well, if you ask her, she'll tell you that was 70 percent of the reason she moved there. I remember the process of her deciding to move there. There were moments of anxiety and fear as the reality set in that she was actually going to make this move. She wasn't quite sure how she'd afford a place to live, find a job or learn her way around a new city but deep down she knew she had to go.

Before she was left, Katie was warned by folks who had lived in Portland that, "She'll (Portland) be hard on you at first." She quickly learned the truth of that statement but through tears and frustration began to gain the approval of this magnificent city. Over and over again I would hear Katie go on about how she walks everywhere, about how amazing her neighborhood is and that, "it really doesn't rain here ALL the time." I know her pretty well and I could hear in her voice that she was falling in love with her new city and that she had no plans of going anywhere for quite some time.

With that in mind, I knew it was time for me to go for a visit. It had been over a year since we'd been able to hang out and we often joked that the whole reason she wanted me to come visit this time was so that I'd fall in love with Portland and eventually move there myself. I love to travel, and it didn't take much convincing on her part to get me to go visit a place, or even a region of the country, that I had never been.

The intention of this blog is not to give a moment by moment recap of all of the things I did while in Oregon or to show pictures or tell funny stories... instead, it's to help me process some of things I learned while taking this short trip. I didn't have any wild expectations or an agenda, honestly, I was just looking forward to spending some time in a new city with an amazing friend.

Whenever I get out of my day to day routine and go someplace I've never been I always process where I am in life and where I'm going. I rethink plans and goals and begin to imagine a life different from the life that I'm currently living. I allow myself to play with the idea of not having everything planned out and starting over and doing something completely different. This trip was no different in that respect but seems to have left a little more of an impact than usual. It's not necessarily any one particular thing that I experienced on the trip that has allowed me to think outside of my current situation but I believe it's the timing of the trip and how it corresponds with where I am. I'm a few short months away from being debt free which has been an almost 3 year journey to financial freedom. The next step is to build up a fairly large savings for emergencies and from there, who knows. But today, I find myself thinking, "what if I decided to do something different." Then I start to get that feeling of excitement in the pit of my stomach... the one that occurs when you remember that you can do anything you want to and that you don't have to always stick to one plan. It comes when I allow myself to ask God, "What's next?" instead of telling him, "here's what's next."

Don't get me wrong, I haven't completely abandoned the course I've been on for the last three years and, currently, I'm still on the same track. But what has changed is that I'm remembering that there is more out there than my plan. That God is far bigger than an emergency fund or the right steps to starting a new church. Traveling to the opposite corner of the country has reminded me how big this world is and how much there is to do and how little time there is to do it. It's helped me to put in perspective working a day job in order to meet a certain goal. It's helped me to even look at the things I'm doing now with my life with a broader view. I'm starting to see the small group that I lead at my place on Wednesday's for some of the Decatur city teens as more than just a part of the church that I'm planting. Instead it's about pouring as much as I can into them so that maybe, just maybe, they will see God in a way that makes sense in their world and will desire to entertain the idea that He exists outside of religion and genuinely loves them. It's my chance to genuinely love them and to give them what little wisdom I've collected over my short adult life.

Things are bigger now. I think part of this realization came as we drove out of a city with towering buildings and intricate bridges through mountains that were lined with moss covered trees and interwoven with creeks and rivers, and then through farmland and rural towns until, as if land just dropped away, we came over a hill and were faced with the vastness of the pacific ocean lined by rocky cliffs and sandy beaches. Upon this view my stomach dropped and I was filled with a kind of adrenaline that is hard to explain. I think it came from the fact that Katie and I had just driven through some of God's most beautiful creation only to be greeted with an infinite mass of water as if He was saying, "you have no idea what I can do." You can't help but feel so incredibly small and yet so incredibly loved upon a sight like this. The fact is, God created beauty in such huge proportions and yet loves me more than any of it and that I am more beautiful to him than any of the scenery that I had just experienced.

Even if I continue on the same track that I was on before I made this trip, I still see things differently now... I see them more in context of the bigger things that God is doing. I see them outside of new jeans, new boots and new travels. Portland is an amazing city surrounded by mountains, farmland, vineyards and if you drive far enough, the Pacific Ocean. But more importantly, Portland to me was a reminder of how big God is and how I'm not ever stuck in any one circumstance. I can only pray now that God will remind me of this freedom daily and that I'll constantly have my eyes and ears open to all that God has for me and that I'll never sacrifice a new adventure for an old plan.

Shootings in Colorado

I didn't turn on the news at all yesterday so I didn't find this out until today. Five people were killed in Colorado yesterday, 3 in Colorado Springs in the parking log of a church and 2 who were at a YWAM base in Arvada.

We live in a country where we are free to practice whatever religion we choose and I know that most of the time I take this for granted. All five of these people were out to serve God and lost their lives while doing so.

This incident reminds me of the underground church that is thriving in many parts of the world. The very real danger of losing their life is something that Christians in many parts of the world think about on a daily basis whenever they sneak off to church to worship Jesus or open their Bible in a dark closet. We hear stories of martyrs on the other side of the word and I know that I often times feel so far removed from their persecution and struggles because of the very freedoms that I've taken for granted.

Those that were killed yesterday serve as a reminder to me, and hopefully to you as well, that while we are free in Christ, we still live in a fallen world where there is a very real enemy who wants to stop the worship of the One True God. Let us bring glory to God out of such horrible circumstances to show the enemy that he will not silence us!

My prayers are with the families of those who lost loved ones yesterday.

Paris, France

As a few of you know, and many who do not, I am leaving next Saturday to go to Paris for a week with the family. I've never been nor do I have any idea what are the "must see" attractions of this city (other than the Eiffel Tower of course). That is where you come in! If you have been, would you be so kind as to make a few suggestions of places to go and things to see?

That would be fantastic!

New Love

When I turned 28 I said I had one goal. That goal was to find someone in which I could fall in love. I wanted to meet a girl who loves God more than anything and would eventually love me out of that love for Him. Turning 28 isn't some huge milestone but for some reason I made it out to be. I allowed myself to believe that being single at 28 somehow reflected who I was as a person and how I related with people. I wanted to search inside myself to figure out what the problem was so that I could grow and change into who I needed to be to have a successful relationship.

Not long after I set that goal I began to long to get back into the Old Testament. I started reading it from the beginning awhile ago and over time started getting back more into the gospels so that my attention was better held while reading. I had only a few more chapters of Numbers to go and looked ahead to see that Deuteronomy was another book of laws and commands so I wasn't super excited to start back. Something happened though. As I began to read Deuteronomy my eyes began to see way past a list of commands and rules. God's character and love began to shine through the stone tablets to the point where I found myself not being able to put the Bible down. I couldn't wait to read the next set of commands that he had for His people that He loved so incredibly much. Over and over again he would tell them that the reason he was giving them these laws was so that he could prosper them in the land that he was about to give them. He warned them over and over again that not following him would result in death and destruction but that if they would follow, he would give them everything.

God began to speak to me about my goal. Very gently and with words of affirmation God said, "no... I want you to fall in love with me." I would say, "but God, I do love you." Again I would hear, "I want you to fall in love with me." As a man, that is hard for me to hear. I've always loved God but have had a bit of a hard time seeing myself as a bride falling in love with a being that we so often think of as "Him" and "Father." It was almost as though I couldn't see through the masculinity of it all and that was keeping me from falling.

I'm falling for him though. I know this because I'm incredibly vulnerable to Him. I hang on his every word, I don't sleep but stay up late at night reading His Word. He's the first thing on my mind when I wake up and the last thing on my mind when I go to bed. My whole world seems upside down. Things that used to not matter to me now bring me to tears. I blush at the thought that he loves me and that I am capable of pleasing him. Never have I truly fallen in love with Him like I am now and it's scarier than I ever imagined. In this relationship I have something to lose and have even more to gain. I have to think about everything I do and how it would impact my relationship with Him. I have to put Him first in all things.

Through all of this God is showing me what it's going to be like to be a husband and to be honest I, at times, feel like I don't have what it takes. I fail God, and he always takes me back because He is perfect love. If I fail a wife, will she stick around? Back to the vulnerability thing I guess. I know that you can't truly be in love if you don't allow yourself to be vulnerable and I don't know that I've ever allowed myself to be in any relationship. God is teaching me what that means through this new found romance with Him. And here's the thing, for the first time ever I'm not using my relationship with God to get something that I want. It's not about that. I truly just want Him. If that means I'm always single, so be it. I love God and am so excited about our life together. I know there will be tears and pain but I also know that I will never have anything better than what he as to offer me. If you ask me, the only real definition of a soul mate is God. He's the only one that we have been created to be in love with. We are our best when we are truly devoted to him. A wife will never be able to offer me that and thank God I'm figuring that out before I ever married. What a horrible burden to put on the woman you love. Talk about setting impossible expectations.

So I've let you in on probably one of the most personal things I've ever felt. But you know what? It's all about being vulnerable to God. I'm safe inside my relationship with Him to be who He created me to be.

Santa

How funny is seeing a "slap Santa's belly to make it more red than your opponents" banner on myspace... IN JUNE?

28

I'm 28 now... I have one major goal this year. But I've had this goal for quite a few years now and have not quite met it.

Hopefully I can change that!

Everyone needs a Ryan

So... yesterday I call up my friend Ryan after reading over a scripture that stumped me. I asked him to read the verses so that we could meet up later to have a beer and discuss what I had read earlier.

Later that night we met up and the games began. We read and re-read the verses and started talking about it and what it might mean. We talked about how it related to God's character and whether or not our interpretations were in line with that. Ryan came up with a great interpretation so we went to some commentaries and found that the majority of them agreed with what he had been saying.

So anyway, the point is that everyone needs a friend that they can call to discuss what they are learning about God. These conversations have helped me to grow in my understanding of the Word and have also strengthened my friendship with Ryan. Like I said... everyone needs a Ryan!

Thanks Ryan!